[SGVLUG] FW: Who's buying a computer?

[Emerson, Tom]

You have to be old enough  to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers,  to fully appreciate this.  For those of us who sometimes get flustered  by our computers, please read on...

If Bud Abbott  and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?"  might have turned out something like this:

            COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
 
 
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help  you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office  in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's  Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy  one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why?  Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a  computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know.  What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind  the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO:  No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track  expenses and run my business.  What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my  office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I  just did.

COSTELLO: You just did  what?

ABBOTT: Recommend  something.

COSTELLO: You recommended  something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT:  Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my  office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I  recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I  already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my  computer and I want to type a proposal.  What do I  need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in  Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is  office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for  Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for  windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click  the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your  blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers.  What about  financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money  with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to  track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with  your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my  computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I  get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it  illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us  a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give  you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not?  THEY OWN IT!

        (A few days  later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I  help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer  off?

ABBOTT: Click on  "START"............